day 95 i’m thriving

… for the most part!!
Obviously there have been some rough moments due to the huge adjustment to college life and other various circumstances beyond my control, though on the whole I am pretty dang proud of myself for doing as well as I am so far.

“So far” is an important little phrase to note here. I want to take everything just one day at a time. I’m taking the good times with a grain of salt, knowing that the bad times will come, and that I can and will get through them.

When I say that I’m doing “well,” I’m judging this based off of only my own internal standards, not external ones. It can be so easy to appear all put together and like you’re “living your best life” on the outside and on social media, but are you really happy? Does partying at the clubs and fixating on empty relationships really, truly satisfy you? I know that going out and partying at clubs will NOT fill the longing in my heart for community and friendship. I have decided NOW, one week into my college experience, what I want it to look like, (generally. I know I can’t control every tiny detail).

My “ideal college experience” is not hooking up with random strangers, partying at clubs and partaking in other similar “normal college” behavior. It is growing in my faith, walking with people who love and support me, and challenging myself to meet my goals and stick to my standards.

I can say that overall, I know in my heart that I’m where I’m meant to be.

It sounds very dramatic, but I really feel that I was called to attend Florida State University. I just love it so much so far. There have been very annoying walks up steep hills and other grievances of the like, yet I feel peaceful knowing that I am right where I belong at this point in my life.

I love feeling confident in God’s love for me. I love truly realizing that His love for me is so real and so unique that literally nothing in this world can truly satisfy me but Him. He DIED for me. He died for us. How often do I take that for granted? A lot, I’ll tell you. But he loves us. He loves us so much and I can’t believe it sometimes.

I have so much to learn, so much to do and so many hills to climb (figuratively and literally). And I am ready for them.

-Holz (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

“I am no longer my own. Whether I live or whether I die, I belong to my Saviour. I have nothing of my own. God is my all, and my whole being is His.” -Saint Catherine of Genoa

day 88 ~ a post about brockhampton

this post is just about how much i love brockhampton and their new album ginger. if this post ain’t for u i respect that thanks for stoppin by❤️

~~~ now for the post ~~~

I really want to buy all of brockhampton’s merch.

HOWEVER,, I really can’t afford to buy anything else, since I’ve already bought 2 hoodies and a shirt from their store in the past month and that was a lot of money for me.

Then I realized that supporting a band doesn’t mean owning all of their merch and physical copies of all their music. It means that I respect them as human beings and I appreciate their music.

It’s about what their music means to me when I listen to it. Even though most of the members come from completely different backgrounds and walks of life than me and those messages are conveyed in the music, I can still relate to the broader messages embedded within.

> searching for something greater in life, struggling to deal with past trauma, feeling unwanted and hopeless. <

< ALSO feeling confident af, big angry, and any other emotions !! >

Whether it’s a sick instrumental or beautiful masterfully crafted lyrics, I just LOVE their music so much. It’s hard to put into words ok👏

It also feels weird to get so ~sappy~ over “just a band” and “just an album” and “just some songs.” “Just” those things really help me feel okay when life is hectic, chaotic and stressful. And when life is going well, I love jamming to their hype songs as well ❤

~

agh i would lose my freakin mind if i saw them live or met any of the members.

i’ve had so many dreams where i meet different members of brockhampton, (usually joba💙).

anywayz,

i realize that i don’t know and probably never will know any of the members personally, their music just makes me so <happy> and <calm> and helps me feel <justified> in whatever i’m going through !!

❤️❤️❤️ big bh love ❤️❤️❤️

-holz