Bugs In The Thunderstorm, Especially Now

B.I.T.T.E.N.

ouch

I’ve been bitten by the bitter bug
whose bite says ‘you’re a disgrace to the swarm.’
I’ve never felt so alone, outside in the storm.
Longing for nothing, but at the same time, a hug.

It started with one bug, I thought then that I knew,
though after a while more bugs showed up too.

The thunder sneers down from up high, from above,
and lightning looms near, illuminating the bugs — swarming me.
Stinging me and singing me their vapid songs.

Well, I’ve felt their acidulous stings before,
and heard them singing spiteful songs.
They think it’s their right to rule ‘punishment’s due,’
claims which I now know to be false and untrue.

Listen, these bugs they will never explain,
— nor justify — what comes after their bites and the pain,
the lasting effects of what to them is a game.

Although, this has happened to me before,
and I know that you lie, and I know how you trick,
I’ve learned one thing now and I think it will stick.

The bugs will keep on incessantly flapping their wings,
sing ‘till their throats are raw, until they ‘make us see.’

The wasps’ venomous injections will always sting,
and bees will choose to die in pursuit of wrecking me,
with all their singing and their stings.

~

-h

snap and it’s over

I have so many pieces in my pockets, sometimes I wonder
what would happen if they – crept out – fell out – leapt out –
for the world to see.
To know what they mean to me.
To believe or not believe, me.

See, you don’t see how:
I’ve collected and I’ve kept them,
hid them and erased them,
seen them pristinely polished.

See, you don’t see how they fit together,
how they all originate from this
one
whole
sheet
of
broken
glass,

shattered into pieces from this blast,
exclusively eclectic secret relics,
hidden
from everyone
the universe
and you.

-holz

/* 23:20 */

What’s stopping you?

If you want to do something, what’s stopping you?
If you want to be someone, who’s stopping you?

~Could it be~
the masked crusaders,
who wield their pick-axes,
stabbing you at every turn?

~Or is it~
the inner lion,
Your personal defender,
howling in surrender
when you bend, when you cave, when you break…

…conforming to the rules (they) create?

I dare to ask:

Who gave THEM the Power?
What gave IT Control?
of YOUR life, which you own fully,
100% autonomously, in your
gentle
loving
hands.

Your heart is yours and yours alone.
Decide who can handle it, (for yourself!)

These voices, the voices, those voices
Do not know who you are.
They are cannot comprehend your power,
your boldness,
your you-ness,
You GODDESS!

You are unique, unstoppable, full of unceasing beauty.

This is YOUR life.

LIVE IT.

How YOU want.

-HOLLY

/* ~an inevitable cumulation of emotion and thoughts~ */

i lost track

WOW ~ mentally i keep putting so much pressure on myself to post on this blog that i just never do anymore. that makes me SAD.

SO, to prove to myself that all my posts on here don’t have to be long, eloquently worded and “perfect,” for today all I will say is:

~~~

I miss my friends back home, in my hometown, my home.

I miss local food, my pool, my bed.

I miss driving, I miss my publix.

I miss my baby boy, Dusty.

I miss home.

~~~

That’s all.

-holz

day 107; // lead me to heaven

Wow.

It is SO EASY to be jealous.

It is SO EASY to envy.

It’s easy to believe lies.

~

If only-you were-rich enough. As we all know rich = fixed. Always.”

If only-you were-good enough. If only you could dance like them. If only you could be like them. It’s too late now, just look around. Started competing when they were 2, and now they’re soooOOOoooo much better than you.”

If only-you were-smart enough. Look at these geniuses who don’t have to study, they’re gonna out there be makin some moneeeey!! It’s easy for them to live, just watch and see.”

~

All of these “people” are simply NOT ME.

Their character traits are just DIFFERENT from mine.

Their lives & mine do not intertwine.

AND THAT’S OKAY…

…because I am very happy with ME.

~~~

I am beginning to realize that I am simply not everyone else. It’s very clear when I write it down like that, but it’s hard to actually believe and be okay with.

My talents are different. My direction is different. My personality is different.

From everyone else

The have traits/talents/things that I don’t, and VICE VERSA. I might be “better” at communicating than that “perfect dancer” I see on my instagram. Perhaps I am “better” at writing than the math genius in my Calculus class. Even though I’m not rich in money, I might experience richer joy in my day-to-day life than the excessively wealthy billionaire I saw in the news.

~~~

I hope you find joy today, whatever your plans may entail.

much love,

-holz (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)