Bugs In The Thunderstorm, Especially Now

B.I.T.T.E.N.

ouch

I’ve been bitten by the bitter bug
whose bite says ‘you’re a disgrace to the swarm.’
I’ve never felt so alone, outside in the storm.
Longing for nothing, but at the same time, a hug.

It started with one bug, I thought then that I knew,
though after a while more bugs showed up too.

The thunder sneers down from up high, from above,
and lightning looms near, illuminating the bugs — swarming me.
Stinging me and singing me their vapid songs.

Well, I’ve felt their acidulous stings before,
and heard them singing spiteful songs.
They think it’s their right to rule ‘punishment’s due,’
claims which I now know to be false and untrue.

Listen, these bugs they will never explain,
— nor justify — what comes after their bites and the pain,
the lasting effects of what to them is a game.

Although, this has happened to me before,
and I know that you lie, and I know how you trick,
I’ve learned one thing now and I think it will stick.

The bugs will keep on incessantly flapping their wings,
sing ‘till their throats are raw, until they ‘make us see.’

The wasps’ venomous injections will always sting,
and bees will choose to die in pursuit of wrecking me,
with all their singing and their stings.

~

-h

snap and it’s over

I have so many pieces in my pockets, sometimes I wonder
what would happen if they – crept out – fell out – leapt out –
for the world to see.
To know what they mean to me.
To believe or not believe, me.

See, you don’t see how:
I’ve collected and I’ve kept them,
hid them and erased them,
seen them pristinely polished.

See, you don’t see how they fit together,
how they all originate from this
one
whole
sheet
of
broken
glass,

shattered into pieces from this blast,
exclusively eclectic secret relics,
hidden
from everyone
the universe
and you.

-holz

/* 23:20 */

What’s stopping you?

If you want to do something, what’s stopping you?
If you want to be someone, who’s stopping you?

~Could it be~
the masked crusaders,
who wield their pick-axes,
stabbing you at every turn?

~Or is it~
the inner lion,
Your personal defender,
howling in surrender
when you bend, when you cave, when you break…

…conforming to the rules (they) create?

I dare to ask:

Who gave THEM the Power?
What gave IT Control?
of YOUR life, which you own fully,
100% autonomously, in your
gentle
loving
hands.

Your heart is yours and yours alone.
Decide who can handle it, (for yourself!)

These voices, the voices, those voices
Do not know who you are.
They are cannot comprehend your power,
your boldness,
your you-ness,
You GODDESS!

You are unique, unstoppable, full of unceasing beauty.

This is YOUR life.

LIVE IT.

How YOU want.

-HOLLY

/* ~an inevitable cumulation of emotion and thoughts~ */

day 107; // lead me to heaven

Wow.

It is SO EASY to be jealous.

It is SO EASY to envy.

It’s easy to believe lies.

~

If only-you were-rich enough. As we all know rich = fixed. Always.”

If only-you were-good enough. If only you could dance like them. If only you could be like them. It’s too late now, just look around. Started competing when they were 2, and now they’re soooOOOoooo much better than you.”

If only-you were-smart enough. Look at these geniuses who don’t have to study, they’re gonna out there be makin some moneeeey!! It’s easy for them to live, just watch and see.”

~

All of these “people” are simply NOT ME.

Their character traits are just DIFFERENT from mine.

Their lives & mine do not intertwine.

AND THAT’S OKAY…

…because I am very happy with ME.

~~~

I am beginning to realize that I am simply not everyone else. It’s very clear when I write it down like that, but it’s hard to actually believe and be okay with.

My talents are different. My direction is different. My personality is different.

From everyone else

The have traits/talents/things that I don’t, and VICE VERSA. I might be “better” at communicating than that “perfect dancer” I see on my instagram. Perhaps I am “better” at writing than the math genius in my Calculus class. Even though I’m not rich in money, I might experience richer joy in my day-to-day life than the excessively wealthy billionaire I saw in the news.

~~~

I hope you find joy today, whatever your plans may entail.

much love,

-holz (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

day 28

GASP – Hold it …

grey …..

you didn’t pick me.

flash of RED – Let it out.

(⁎˃ᆺ˂)

breathe breather breathest !!!!

!! … !!

-“No,” is more, they say.

“Yes,” is less.

-Well ! “No” is a LOT more because a SINGLE YES, I’ve never heard.

From me to you now here’s the truth: The hypocrites aren’t genuine, they’re actually irrelevant. The ones who smile at second one are the first to say they’re done — with you. So maybe it is a good thing that you didn’t pick me now. I’ll be the first to walk away from two-faced you, leaving your dishonesty. On the floor. Where you belong, Not above Me, because us, we are EQUAL. So respond, or recoil. “Yes” there’s a different side to me.

It’s the same: more “No” ‘s, nose blows and sadness waves, less being the hopeful one. Better you and worser me, it’s okay I’m being free.

The worst they can say is “No” – I’ve heard – …”No” it’s a good thing. I don’t know your life but I know mine. “No” can make you stronger and freer. It can liberate you, if used sparingly. Too many “No” ‘s in a row, though, really takes a toll on me.

-h

***sometimes it’s hard for me to describe things in a paragraph form. (ex/ “this happened and this is how it made me feel …”) complete sentences often don’t do a justice to the way an emotion actually feels for me, so i just kinda write things out like this in my own style. i don’t wanna say it’s “poetry” per say. it’s more like lyrics, because i read stuff that i write like this in a particular way when i read it in my head, with certain pauses and emphasis on different words. though this may not tell a story in a flat-out, verbatim way, it tells a very genuine story for me & i hope anyone who finds themself reading this can at least recognize and appreciate that. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

i am also hesitant to post a blog post like this, but hey, if i get so many “No” ‘s anyway, why not?