day 84

i leave for college tomorrow !! AHH

today my mom and i drove all over town doing a bunch of things on my “to do before i leave” list, which was mostly just going to my favorite local restaurants one more time before i go. i really didn’t think i’d get to go to any of them before i left, but to my happy surprise we ended up checking off almost every restaurant on the list! yay!

this morning we went to one of my favorite açai bowl places for breakfast. next we went to the beach so i could to say ‘goodbye for now’ to the atlantic ocean, because i will be relatively close to the gulf of mexico. then we went to my favorite beachside burrito place for lunch, and after we headed for my followup appointment for my wisdom teeth.

at the followup appointment, the nurse said that i’m healing nicely and everything looks good! whew! i also do not have to continue taking the antibiotic that makes me extremely nauseous! WHEW!

next i went to say goodbye to my grandpa and uncle. tomorrow i will say goodbye to my other grandpa & grandma when we drop dusty (my dog) off at their house for them to kindly watch him while my parents help me get settled in tallahassee.

thank goodness for a fun day with my momma. now time to finish packing up and enjoy my last night at home for a while.

i’m definitely planning to come home for thanksgiving & Christmas break, and i also might come home sometime in october because we get a random day off somewhere within that month. my parents & other family members are coming up for the FSU v. NSCU game on 9/28 so i’ll see them soon! i’m gonna miss dusty sooo much hopefully my mom can bring him if she comes to visit!

~ t-minus 1 day ~

excited & scared, ^̮^

happy & sad. ◔̯◔

-holz (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

Ephesians 2:14 – “For he is our peace.”

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day 83

whew.

this past week has really taken a toll on me.

throughout the week i’ve experienced some of the most miserable physical pain i’ve ever felt in my life. i’m not going to elaborate because everyone experiences pain differently and i don’t want to sound dramatic by trying to describe it. i’d also rather forget the unpleasant details as time goes on. thankfully i think the worst of my recovery is finally behind me. #thankyouGod

i want to have a record of this experience on here so that when times are “good,” i can reflect back on the “low points” in my life to appreciate the “high points” even more. ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

i’m ready to move on from laying in my bed all day and feeling physically terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

TIME FOR COLLEGE NOW ~~ T-MINUS 2 DAYS ~~ ʘ‿ʘ

-Holz

… (⚆ _ ⚆ )

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day 81

i got my wisdom teeth out on monday 8/12.

the surgery went well and there haven’t been any complications so far. *knocks wood*

i’ve taken so many prescription pain pills and antibiotics in the past 6 days. they make me so dizzy my mom had to start cutting them in half.

i spent the days sleeping in 3-4 hour intervals, taking another pain pill then sleeping again.

i feel a little better each day.

here’s to feeling even better tomorrow.

-holz

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day 74 *

This past week I attended my dance studio’s summer intensive, which consists of classes taught by guest teachers brought in from around the country. During their time here they teach us classes and choreograph some of our competition team’s dances for the upcoming season. This year I’m not going to be on the competition team because I’m going off to college and, well, I’m too old for it now. I still took all the classes from the guest teachers though because there is so much to learn from them and each of their lovely unique styles.

In each class we are taught a combination, and usually I hate doing combos because picking up choreography quickly is something I’ve always struggled with. During this intensive though, I tried to let go of my mental blocks that always prohibit me from tapping into my full potential, and just DANCE.

I pushed away all my obsessive negative thoughts that I always tell myself, from, “Look, she did that better than you, you suck” to “You’re so bad at picking up choreography there’s no way you can do this” to “You’re so terrible you should stop dancing altogether” and I just focused.

I focused on the combo, I focused on myself, and I didn’t focus on obsessing over how “bad” I am. I put all my energy into those classes. I’m especially proud of the mental energy I put into them. It opened doors for me and I’m starting to have more hope in myself, not just in dance but in other aspects of life as well. Dance is empowering, if you have the right attitude and aren’t always tearing yourself down, which is something I’ve had to relearn over and over and over again this year.

I’m still growing.

It turns out I was the only one truly holding myself back. *

-HOLZ

* Not Them.

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✧ﾟ･: * day 69

i had a great trip to the keys!!

i haven’t posted on here in a while, but i have been keeping track of the highlight of each day since the start of our key west trip so i’m gonna share those here!!

~~~

july 30 – swimming and laughing in the hotel pool with my friend Asia

july 31 – getting açai bowls @ tropical vibes in key west, and working out in the hotel fitness center with Asia & my dad

august 1st – scootering around key west with Asia, & my mom and dad

august 2nd – walking the mile loop around our hotel before we left for the 9 hour drive home

august 3rd – making açai bowls at home and cleaning our cars with my dad

august 4th – having fun at Asia’s going away party

~~~

↯ SOME PICS ↯

  • we kept laughing at how she almost “drowned” in the 5ft deep water ~ 7/30
  • our açai that we shared ~ 7/31
  • Asia & I on scooters we rented ~ 8/1
  • Asia & I on our hotel room balcony, we had an ‘exclusive porch bonus’ area, as i call it. (bigger porch than most other rooms) ~ 8/2

i’m back now (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

-holz *:･ﾟ✧

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day 52 ~ no more blue

my nails aren’t blue anymore!

i had blue acrylic nails for 16 days. 8 days in, i got my nail caught on a door frame, which ripped the acrylic nail off of my left index finger. there is now a deep tear in my real nail about 0.5cm long. (i measured). each day, all i can do is sit and wait for the pain to subside little by little as time passes on. it still hurts to put pressure on it, but today typing with all 10 fingers is now manageable. it is slowly healing.

when my dad recently found this blog, he had a suggestion for me. “include pictures in your posts,” he said.

so dad, here are some pictures of my nail and its healing process thus far:

**you may want to skip over these pictures if you are sensitive to blood/gross-looking things

.

although my nails looked sooooo pretty when i first got them, it didn’t take much for one to become painful, sore and ugly. i didn’t even do anything crazy to cause it to rip off. i’ve learned that sometimes, nails just tear. (i never would have anticipated learning that life lesson this summer!)

my nails are like a family. when one person is hurting, all the other family members have to step up to take care of the hurting person. in the case of my nails, the other 9 have to do more work to allow my hurt finger time to heal and recover.

i hope that this little story is in some way inspiring to you. each day, we see so many images & hear so many messages that it can be hard to take a break from all the distractions that jump out at us everyday. you have permission to take time off from whatever is bogging you down lately and just be.

like my little broken nail, you deserve rest, even if you didn’t get physically torn in half like it did.

i hope you have a healing day,

~thank you for reading~

-Holz ❤

*random nail update, (RNU) ~ today i got white gel nails, expect for the one that ripped. my nail tech also removed the little blue stump of acrylic that remained on that finger.

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day43 (2befree)

I remember the very first time I left my dog, then young puppy, for more than a few hours when my family and I went on a summer vacation in 2012.

I missed him on the trip so much that my heart physically hurt, and I cried while we were on vacation, obsessing over how much I missed him. On the plane ride home, I even edited a very dramatic video slideshow with photos of him on my iPad 2. I missed out on the trip I was blessed to be taken on by fixating on the thing, (or in this case, animal), I missed about home, even though we were only gone for about 1 week.

I can rationally anticipate some challenging times in my transition to college life, but I can pretty much guarantee you I won’t be making video slideshows demonstrating how much I’ll miss home.

Instead of dwelling on the things I’ll miss about home like I did on that vacation in 2012, I will strive to live in/enjoy the present. I have so many things to be excited about at college, like a huge campus to explore, new friendships, and academic challenges I am ready to face.

I feel a lot more excited about college now that I’ve attended orientation. It seems significantly less scary and strikingly more exciting 😀

& I hope that my excitement continues to grow and offset the sad things about moving on from this era of my life, like how much I’ll miss home, my precious dog, and every wonderful thing I’ve ever known in the small town in which I have lived in my whole life thus far.

i am ready

2bfree

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~this post is dedicated to my dog dusty🐶💕~

thankyouforreadingg ✨

-holz

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