i got my wisdom teeth out on monday 8/12.
the surgery went well and there haven’t been any complications so far. *knocks wood*
i’ve taken so many prescription pain pills and antibiotics in the past 6 days. they make me so dizzy my mom had to start cutting them in half.
i spent the days sleeping in 3-4 hour intervals, taking another pain pill then sleeping again.
i feel a little better each day.
here’s to feeling even better tomorrow.
-holz
This past week I attended my dance studio’s summer intensive, which consists of classes taught by guest teachers brought in from around the country. During their time here they teach us classes and choreograph some of our competition team’s dances for the upcoming season. This year I’m not going to be on the competition team because I’m going off to college and, well, I’m too old for it now. I still took all the classes from the guest teachers though because there is so much to learn from them and each of their lovely unique styles.
In each class we are taught a combination, and usually I hate doing combos because picking up choreography quickly is something I’ve always struggled with. During this intensive though, I tried to let go of my mental blocks that always prohibit me from tapping into my full potential, and just DANCE.
I pushed away all my obsessive negative thoughts that I always tell myself, from, “Look, she did that better than you, you suck” to “You’re so bad at picking up choreography there’s no way you can do this” to “You’re so terrible you should stop dancing altogether” and I just focused.
I focused on the combo, I focused on myself, and I didn’t focus on obsessing over how “bad” I am. I put all my energy into those classes. I’m especially proud of the mental energy I put into them. It opened doors for me and I’m starting to have more hope in myself, not just in dance but in other aspects of life as well. Dance is empowering, if you have the right attitude and aren’t always tearing yourself down, which is something I’ve had to relearn over and over and over again this year.
I’m still growing.
It turns out I was the only one truly holding myself back. *
-HOLZ
* Not Them.
i had a great trip to the keys!!
i haven’t posted on here in a while, but i have been keeping track of the highlight of each day since the start of our key west trip so i’m gonna share those here!!
~~~
july 30 – swimming and laughing in the hotel pool with my friend Asia
july 31 – getting açai bowls @ tropical vibes in key west, and working out in the hotel fitness center with Asia & my dad
august 1st – scootering around key west with Asia, & my mom and dad
august 2nd – walking the mile loop around our hotel before we left for the 9 hour drive home
august 3rd – making açai bowls at home and cleaning our cars with my dad
august 4th – having fun at Asia’s going away party
~~~
↯ SOME PICS ↯
i’m back now (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
-holz *:･ﾟ✧
my nails aren’t blue anymore!
i had blue acrylic nails for 16 days. 8 days in, i got my nail caught on a door frame, which ripped the acrylic nail off of my left index finger. there is now a deep tear in my real nail about 0.5cm long. (i measured). each day, all i can do is sit and wait for the pain to subside little by little as time passes on. it still hurts to put pressure on it, but today typing with all 10 fingers is now manageable. it is slowly healing.
when my dad recently found this blog, he had a suggestion for me. “include pictures in your posts,” he said.
so dad, here are some pictures of my nail and its healing process thus far:
**you may want to skip over these pictures if you are sensitive to blood/gross-looking things
.
although my nails looked sooooo pretty when i first got them, it didn’t take much for one to become painful, sore and ugly. i didn’t even do anything crazy to cause it to rip off. i’ve learned that sometimes, nails just tear. (i never would have anticipated learning that life lesson this summer!)
my nails are like a family. when one person is hurting, all the other family members have to step up to take care of the hurting person. in the case of my nails, the other 9 have to do more work to allow my hurt finger time to heal and recover.
i hope that this little story is in some way inspiring to you. each day, we see so many images & hear so many messages that it can be hard to take a break from all the distractions that jump out at us everyday. you have permission to take time off from whatever is bogging you down lately and just be.
like my little broken nail, you deserve rest, even if you didn’t get physically torn in half like it did.
i hope you have a healing day,
~thank you for reading~
-Holz ❤
*random nail update, (RNU) ~ today i got white gel nails, expect for the one that ripped. my nail tech also removed the little blue stump of acrylic that remained on that finger.
I remember the very first time I left my dog, then young puppy, for more than a few hours when my family and I went on a summer vacation in 2012.
I missed him on the trip so much that my heart physically hurt, and I cried while we were on vacation, obsessing over how much I missed him. On the plane ride home, I even edited a very dramatic video slideshow with photos of him on my iPad 2. I missed out on the trip I was blessed to be taken on by fixating on the thing, (or in this case, animal), I missed about home, even though we were only gone for about 1 week.
I can rationally anticipate some challenging times in my transition to college life, but I can pretty much guarantee you I won’t be making video slideshows demonstrating how much I’ll miss home.
Instead of dwelling on the things I’ll miss about home like I did on that vacation in 2012, I will strive to live in/enjoy the present. I have so many things to be excited about at college, like a huge campus to explore, new friendships, and academic challenges I am ready to face.
I feel a lot more excited about college now that I’ve attended orientation. It seems significantly less scary and strikingly more exciting 😀
& I hope that my excitement continues to grow and offset the sad things about moving on from this era of my life, like how much I’ll miss home, my precious dog, and every wonderful thing I’ve ever known in the small town in which I have lived in my whole life thus far.
i am ready
2bfree
.
~this post is dedicated to my dog dusty🐶💕~
thankyouforreadingg ✨
-holz
i’m on my way to college orientation!!
it’s so weird that i’m actually gonna be starting college soon and everything will be different. it’s not just an idea or an obscure future plan anymore, it’s actually happening.
i have also learned some interesting facts in the past week,
did you know that:
-Koalas are actually marsupials, not bears.
-The past participle of “shear” is “shorn.” (ex/ “see sheep being shorn”)
-Stranger Things 3 is REALLLLY GOOOD
?
#facts
i hope u smile today ☺️
-holz
(ah)
i feel so much pressure for these blog posts to be “good.” it’s scary to do something genuine and honest because it hurts more if you receive criticism for it. sometimes it can be easier to do things that are less ‘real’ and less important to you. i have decided that i am going to stick to my original intentions for creating this website, which was to make a little place for me to just write/create whatever the heck i want.
~
so
today, i went to the beach,
and i went swimming in my clothes,
and i played with the younger girls, laughed with the older girls, danced with all the girls on stage.
~
tomorrow is my absolute last time dancing with my team.
it will never be the same again. oof.
that’s a lot to swallow.
~
i’m getting my hair cut on saturday.
</–holz3->
GASP – Hold it …
grey …..
you didn’t pick me.
flash of RED – Let it out.
(⁎˃ᆺ˂)
breathe breather breathest !!!!
!! … !!
-“No,” is more, they say.
“Yes,” is less.
-Well ! “No” is a LOT more because a SINGLE YES, I’ve never heard.
From me to you now here’s the truth: The hypocrites aren’t genuine, they’re actually irrelevant. The ones who smile at second one are the first to say they’re done — with you. So maybe it is a good thing that you didn’t pick me now. I’ll be the first to walk away from two-faced you, leaving your dishonesty. On the floor. Where you belong, Not above Me, because us, we are EQUAL. So respond, or recoil. “Yes” there’s a different side to me.
It’s the same: more “No” ‘s, nose blows and sadness waves, less being the hopeful one. Better you and worser me, it’s okay I’m being free.
The worst they can say is “No” – I’ve heard – …”No” it’s a good thing. I don’t know your life but I know mine. “No” can make you stronger and freer. It can liberate you, if used sparingly. Too many “No” ‘s in a row, though, really takes a toll on me.
-h
***sometimes it’s hard for me to describe things in a paragraph form. (ex/ “this happened and this is how it made me feel …”) complete sentences often don’t do a justice to the way an emotion actually feels for me, so i just kinda write things out like this in my own style. i don’t wanna say it’s “poetry” per say. it’s more like lyrics, because i read stuff that i write like this in a particular way when i read it in my head, with certain pauses and emphasis on different words. though this may not tell a story in a flat-out, verbatim way, it tells a very genuine story for me & i hope anyone who finds themself reading this can at least recognize and appreciate that. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
i am also hesitant to post a blog post like this, but hey, if i get so many “No” ‘s anyway, why not?
woooo hoooo annnd im back with another blog post coming at you live from fort lauderdale florida. today was the “beginning to the end” so to speak. Today was the first day of my last ever nationals dance competition. #graduatedsenior 😎
i am so happy with the performances i gave on both of my solos today and could really care less about the letters on the medals i received (names of different score placements). i just did the best i could and i am so proud of myself for that.
^^ this whole mindset here really ties into my day 16 post, in which i went off about how life is:
[In life] No one is going to give you compliments all the time. It’s up to YOU to develop your OWN guidelines by which to judge yourself … YOU have to give yourself YOUR OWN praise, based on whether you have met the criteria you established for yourself, because no one will praise you. PRAISE YOURSELF when you deserve it …
— Me 11 days ago
with that being said….
YAY ME!!!!!!
Also I think I may have messed up my days numbering somewhere when i missed some days……
ehhh
-holz !
*(dO excuse me for quoting myself in this post kind madame/sir, i simply am quite in love with the above block of text that I wrote 11 days ago)
**EDIT: i completely DID mess up the days so i went back and fixed it. i only messed up yesterday, which was actually day 26, not 24, as I had originally stated. so, THAT MEANS that today is day 27 of my blog posts. whew. glad i fixed that.
i shall be honest with thou. i have been slacking on my blog game bc i’ve been dreading assimilating to wordpress. alas, i shall “suck it up” and persevere in this blogquest, despite an apparent challenge.
when i logged onto wordpress tonight, suggestions appeared of what wordpress thought i should search for.
It read:
~ Then I decided to write some little stories for you ~
—They say women can’t make money like men do. Because a woman’s place is in the kitchen, with a man above her (in terms of power). Her sole purpose is to serve him and all the other men in society, because that’s what a patriarchy looks like in full swing. Women can’t have real jobs like the men. They make the clothes and feed the kids. That’s what they said back then.
—I once heard a loud cry in the middle of the night, and, having been roused from a vivid dream where I had been traversing another land a few moments ago deep in the realms of my subconscious, I realized that it was not the exotic cry of an animal in the jungle, but alas, my dog who had made the sound, whimpering at me to let him out. I obliged, groggy-eyed, and opened the door.
—The plants are good. They give us air, they fill our lungs with more than molecules, they sustain us in a way that shows us they are simply more than a biological necessity. Why shouldn’t we devour our food with a reverence to power it provides us?
do you see what i did there?
SKSIR
-holz ~(˘▾˘~)
