day 18 (!?!)

summer 2019

ok ok ok i’m actually writing this day 18 post in WORDPRESS not WIX so i’m kinda frazzled. I’m giving WordPress another chance.

I’ve used WordPress in the past, as well as many other website platforms, and I think I’m gonna make THIS my main website now because the business plan on wordpress is cheaper than Wix 😦 i LOVE Wix and i’m gonna miss it. Hopefully I get used to this.

and i actually have like 5 websites through wordpress that I forgot about?? weird.

This is what a quote looks like on here. Ooo kinda fancy but i still miss wix

Holz circa 2019

That shall be all.

-holz

day 17 celebration

summer 2019

happy half birthday to meee 🥳

the stranger things cast is going to be on jimmy fallon tonight at 11:30pm edt so i am really excited for that!! #happyhalfbirthdaytomeiamreallyexcitedaboutit

today i will list some *little things* for which i am *grateful/appreciate* 🙂

~my hoodie is so soft & comfy (~˘▾˘)~

~the ac in my house is working (•◡•) /

~dusty is alive & well & as cute as ever (✿´‿`)

~i still really like the vibrant color of my phone ^̮^

~living life (。◕‿◕。)

that shall be all.

thank you, you may go.

-holz

*< 🙂

In Defense of Myself (day 16)

summer 2019, thoughts

Tomorrow I turn 18 and 1/2 years old.

Today I decided to compile a list of LIFE LESSONS I have learned in the past 4.

[The following is what I would assertively tell my 14 and 1/2 year old self, if given the opportunity to speak face to face with her. I think it would go something like this…]

*2019 holly enters a time bubble to bring her to 2015 holly*

Me: Omg hey holly it’s 18 and 1/2 year old you, don’t freak out, I’m only here to forewarn you of what’s to come in the next four years through these helpful pieces of advice and life lessons from which you can learn. I’ve actually lived your life so here are some instructions to guide you…

*

Actions mean everything. Through one’s actions, you are able to deduce so many things, like a person’s: Motives, Desires, and what’s important to them. Through observing these actions, you are able to see where you stand with someone. WORDS MEAN NOTHING. It is ACTION that shows you who a person REALLY is around you and how much they REALLY care about you. For example: If someone tells you all sorts of grandiose sentiments, then repeatedly does things they KNOW will hurt you, that is called a BAD RELATIONSHIP.

The term “relationship” is not exclusive to the romantic kind, and can include Friendships, Marriages, Parent-Child Relationships, etc. If you ever find yourself in a toxic environment or relationship, you need to address the wounds that are festering in that environment/relationship or get out and HEAL YOURSELF.

**

No one is going to give you compliments all the time. It’s up to YOU to develop your OWN guidelines by which to judge yourself- your actions/thoughts/words/motives etc. Whether it’s through following the teachings of a religion or guidelines you make up for yourself, YOU have to give yourself YOUR OWN praise, based on whether you have met the criteria you established for yourself, because no one will praise you. PRAISE YOURSELF when you deserve it, and don’t beat yourself up for months when you fail. HEAL YOURSELF.

***

No one is going to hold your hand and walk you through life. No one is going to guide your baby steps and tell you exactly what you should do in every possible situation. If you want to take a giant leap of faith, you need to TRUST YOURSELF to be able to heal when you fall to the ground and end up broken. If you end up succeeding with flying colors on that leap of faith, CELEBRATE YOURSELF. You need to be able to REPAIR YOURSELF when you do get broken, because not one single person on Earth can completely heal you from your wounds. You have to learn your own methods to HEAL YOURSELF.

****

“Heal Yourself” does NOT mean sitting at home trying to cope with whatever hurt you 100% alone (you end up trying that, girl, &it doesn’t work). “Heal Yourself” means actively seeking out methods that actually CAN heal you, such as therapy/counseling, finding comfort in a religion, relying on friends/family for support, doing more of what you enjoy and cutting out toxic components of your life. No one is going to get the help you need FOR YOU. You have to seek it out yourself and actually commit to the end goal of feeling better and being healed, because you 100% have that incredible power within you.

*****

Okay, that’s all I have time for, I gotta go back to 2019 now, and since you can’t respond to me in this weird time bubble thing, I’ll leave you with a cool trend from this year *hits woah badly*

*14 and 1/2 y/o holly is confused*

*time bubble dissolves*

******

hope u enjoyed this blog post, this is probably the longest i’ve ever spent on one.

100% proud of myself,

-HOLZ

day 14 …?

summer 2019

My grandma’s flight home got cancelled last night. She was frustrated and exhausted after dealing with the whole mess. She decided to just stay another night with family instead of being routed through multiple airports on different airlines at her own expense.

It was for a reason.

Through staying an extra day, she was able to provide a small bit of joy to one of my cousins who is going through a trying time. It makes me teary to think about it.

I am also completely done with high school now. I took my last AICE test today, physics paper 1. The questions were challenging and exciting, and I can honestly say I enjoyed solving them, (especially when my chosen answer corresponded with one of the answer choices). I really hope I did well. I did the work all year, paid attention in class, did every question in the textbook and prepared myself as best I could. It’s up to the examiners now, or as they say in Hamilton, “It’s up to the delegates.”

I also went to the beach with Asia today. 🙂 It was so fun, and I reallyyyy needed a day where we had a plan of what to do and a mutually decided upon “time budget” of how long to spend at each place/activity. I like having structure in my life, (most of the time).

➵ overall, june 11th 2019 was a good day, and one i am glad to have lived. it’s exciting to think that there’s a whole ‘nother day waiting to be experienced by me tomorrow – june 12th 2019 – and that there’s another day after that, and one after that. the events that occur in a single day can truly change one’s life forever.

prayerfully,

-Holz.

day 4’s a little sore ~

summer 2019

today was DRESS REHEARSAL for my last ever dance recital.

I’ll probably be back in subsequent years to help out backstage, but it was my last dress rehearsal as a dancer at my studio. it hasn’t really sunken in yet that i’m almost done with dance life as i know it, it just doesn’t really feel REAL ya’know?

I don’t know if i’m accepting it or if i’m just in denial. 🤔

I spent basically all day there (9-5:30). it was a 35 minute drive, and that doesn’t sound like very much but it felt reallllly longggg because it wasn’t just highway driving, it was through a bunch of backroads. and i was alone. literally drove down 3 roads until they dead ended. i just kept driving and turning and driving until i had to turn again. love that.

this coming week, i hope that i can:::

-hangout with my friends

-have the motivation to study for physics and act upon that motivation by actually studying

-go to Cocoa Beach and possibly Orlando

i am ~ sore ~ but i have #recital2k19 tmr so gotta push through!!!!

ok i’m just gonna end this post here bc i feel like i’m rambling. ✌️

until tomorrow !! ‘, >

-holz