day 87

“I don’t know where I’m going” -NO HALO; BROCKHAMPTON

This is my first blog post in college.

I am writing this on my phone sitting in my dorm room bed.

I have very mixed feelings about everything and I just feel so bifurcated having all my stuff split between here and back home.

I’m trying to just take it one day at a time and not get too emotional on either spectrum. (excited/sad)

I’m going on a retreat through the Catholic Student Union tomorrow and I feel very peaceful about that. I’m really looking forward to it.

I feel like a terrible dancer for all the accolades I lack.

I miss my dog more than words can say. I feel tears in my eyes whenever I see the picture of him that’s hanging on my dorm wall, or when I just think about how cute and fluffy he is. Shoot gotta stop I’m crying.

I’m worried about all my classes. I’m scared I won’t find time to do everything that needs to get done.

I’m worried time will fly and I’ll look back having regrets about opportunities I didn’t take advantage of, and I’m also worried that time will tick by so slowly that college will feel like prison.

I’m excited to live on my own and make my own decisions. I feel ready to stand up for myself and further evolve into the person I am becoming.

I’m anxious that I won’t manage my money well and I’ll end up spending above my means each month.

I hope that eat healthy and substantial meals everyday.

I hope I remember to put MYSELF first when it comes to making big decisions that affect ME. I hope I remember to put OTHERS first in order to treat everyone with kindness and love.

~

Right now I am listening to the album GINGER by BROCKHAMPTON. I really love this album. I watched all of the live premieres on youtube of all the singles. I have been anticipating this album all summer.

Last night was a very special night, because it was the day I moved into my dorm, AND the night GINGER was released.

At midnight, I laid on my new dorm bed hugging my GINGER merch hoodie I had ordered a few weeks ago, smiling and gaping at how much I loved it, and in those moments I felt so okay.

I realized that I can listen to my favorite band’s new album whenever I want, and I know that everything will be okay.

I wish I could’ve gone to the Friday Therapy concert in LA tonight. Someday, I *WILL* see BROCKHAMPTON live.

xx

Much love,

-holz

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