day 74 *

summer 2019

This past week I attended my dance studio’s summer intensive, which consists of classes taught by guest teachers brought in from around the country. During their time here they teach us classes and choreograph some of our competition team’s dances for the upcoming season. This year I’m not going to be on the competition team because I’m going off to college and, well, I’m too old for it now. I still took all the classes from the guest teachers though because there is so much to learn from them and each of their lovely unique styles.

In each class we are taught a combination, and usually I hate doing combos because picking up choreography quickly is something I’ve always struggled with. During this intensive though, I tried to let go of my mental blocks that always prohibit me from tapping into my full potential, and just DANCE.

I pushed away all my obsessive negative thoughts that I always tell myself, from, “Look, she did that better than you, you suck” to “You’re so bad at picking up choreography there’s no way you can do this” to “You’re so terrible you should stop dancing altogether” and I just focused.

I focused on the combo, I focused on myself, and I didn’t focus on obsessing over how “bad” I am. I put all my energy into those classes. I’m especially proud of the mental energy I put into them. It opened doors for me and I’m starting to have more hope in myself, not just in dance but in other aspects of life as well. Dance is empowering, if you have the right attitude and aren’t always tearing yourself down, which is something I’ve had to relearn over and over and over again this year.

I’m still growing.

It turns out I was the only one truly holding myself back. *

-HOLZ

* Not Them.

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